There are many factors that can influence your classroom management. Procedures, high expectations, and rules and consequences are all important parts of a good classroom management plan. Another factor that is important is relationships.
Relationships might be one of the most under rated factors contributing to a teacher’s classroom management. Throughout this article we will look at six ways to build relationships with your students.
Building relationships with your students can make a huge difference in student attitude, behavior, and academic performance. Small investments in building relationships with your students will benefit you, the overall class, and the individual student.
1. Learn Names Quickly
I read a book one time that had a huge impact on my life. The title was: “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It sounds like a manipulative book, but it really isn’t. It emphasizes sincerity and really caring. People and our students can see right though any insincere or fake actions, so being sincere is the only way to go with building relationships. I highly recommend this book. One principle that has stuck with me from the book was that an individual’s name is the most precious word to them. This principle has a lot of truth. Students love when I address them with their name, especially when they don’t expect me to know them yet. I use a couple of strategies to learn students’ names as quickly as possible.
Tip 1: Yearbook
One strategy that I use to learn student names as quickly as possible is that I purchase or borrow a yearbook from the previous year. The reason I do this is that it gives me pictures and names of students that I will probably have in the coming year. I can start to learn names proactively before students even step in my room. The yearbook is a fantastic opportunity to learn names early and open the door to building relationships with students.
This tip has helped me to learn 90% of student names before the school year even starts. You will always have students go by different names than the yearbook and new students that move in, but this strategy puts you one step closer to building relationships with your students. The sooner you get your hands on a class roster the more effective this strategy can be. Your students will be shocked as you acknowledge so many students by name of the first day of school. Keep practicing and learning names throughout the year, but the yearbook strategy is a great head start.
Tip 2: Cheat Sheet
Another strategy I have for names is that I do an alphabetical seating chart for the first few weeks of school. This is a great strategy if you have rotating periods and a lot of student names to learn. I assign all of the students an assigned spot alphabetically and leave a cheat sheet at my desk or podium. If I ever forget a students name within the first few days of school I can walk over to my sheet and locate the seat and name and address the student appropriately. Your students probably won’t even notice this little strategy if you are subtle about it.
I do recommend you use this strategy as a learning tool and not a permanent part of your teaching. If you really want to build meaningful relationships with your students, you will want to know their names so you can have a conversation with them without your cheat sheet.
Tip 3: Visualizing
Something else I believe is very beneficial is visualizing the students in their seats and trying to recall their names. After that first day of school, take your cheat sheet home with the students’ names and seats. Try to visualize the class in your mind and try to name each student. Anytime you have a problem take a peak at your cheat sheet roster and it might jog your memory. This takes under 10 minutes and you might be surprised what a difference it can make. I have been able to get 99% of my students’ names the last few years on the second day of school because of this strategy in combination with the other tips. I make it a game on the second day, and my students love to see me struggle as I try to recall all the names accurately without assistance. Put the effort into learning your students’ names and relationships will begin to form.
If you don’t care enough to learn their names they might not care enough to listen to you. Learning names is the way to open the door to building any lasting relationships.
2. Welcome Students at the Door
Another strategy that I have adopted to build relationships is welcoming my students at the door when they come into school in the morning. I can’t really take credit for this strategy either, I got if from “The First Days of School” by Harry Wong. I can honestly say that no other book has had such a positive effect on my management.
I really make an honest effort to welcome and greet my students as the day begins. During this time, sometimes I get a smile, a highlight in the student’s life, or a detail I probably would have missed without this opportunity.
Tip 1: Make it a Habit
I would make this a habit by doing this everyday. It is so easy to get distracted and lost with making copies or other teacher duties. Make it a priority and try to do it everyday for the first month. After that your students will expect you to meet them at the door and they will remind you. This will make it easier to continue this good practice.
Tip 2: Send someone to the end of the line or pull them aside
This sounds a little weird and strange, but I will typically do this so I will have an opportunity to build a relationship. In the beginning, my students think that this is a punishment, but I explain that I do this many times to have a positive discussion with a student. As the students filter in, I welcome them and have a little longer conversation with the last person in line.
After about the second week, my students get used to this and many times appreciate this little extra and semiprivate conversation. I use this to catchup with students. I ask them a question about something they are involved in, compliment their work in class, or some other quick conversation starter. You don’t have to send someone to the end of the line, you could just pull the student you want to talk to to the side as the other students filter in.
Tip 3: Have a designated spot
Something else that I would recommend is having a designated spot for your welcoming. At the door is easy to say, but really you can set up any spot as your welcoming spot. This gives your students some consistency. Perhaps on breakfast duty or early duties in the gym as the students arrive in the morning. Your welcome area can be wherever you see your students first.
One teacher I know has students filter into her classroom over a half an hour period. So when the students arrive, she has her students complete the morning procedures and one of which is to stop by her desk before the school day officially starts. When they stop by she welcomes them and has a compliment or question for each student. She has designated her desk as her welcome spot. Students filter in and between welcoming students, she can prepare for her day.
Welcoming students shows that you care and lets you learn more about your students everyday. These interactions are critical to the development of relationships.
3. Birthdays
The most beautiful word for someone to hear is their name and the most important day is their birthday. It is a small thing, but many times those small things make the biggest difference. Most of my students will typically announce their birthday whenever they get to school that day. If you say happy birthday before they say it, they will remember it. The older your students are the more they seem to appreciate people that remember. It is a small jester, but one that can help show your students that they are important to you.
Tip 1: Calendar
Student birthdays are typically easy to get a hold of in school. Once you have a list of all your students’ birthdays, put them in a calendar that you look at all the time. This way you won’t forget your students’ birthdays. Some schools have master calendars with all student birthdays. If the calendar you use the most is on your phone, then put them into your phone and setup reminders.
Tip 2: Don’t forget weekend and summer birthdays
It is easy to forget those birthdays on weekends, during the summer, or over breaks. Schedule times on your calendar to remind yourself to wish these students a happy birthday. One example could be if a student has a birthday that Saturday, say happy birthday on Friday before they leave school. You might be one of the few teachers that will remember these students’ birthdays and it will make a difference.
Tip 3: Gift
Maybe you have too many students to get gifts, but a personalized gift can help to build or reinforce a relationship. Possibly something small like a pencil or eraser, but I have found a short personalized note is received just as well.
In my wife’s classroom, she keeps a tub of birthday gifts. It is just a random box full of little toys or pencils. She collects things over the year and puts it in there. Sometimes, she keeps extra supplies that she doesn’t need that was given by the school and puts it in the tub. On a student’s birthday, they can choose an item from the tub. She will also sometimes put a new folder and pencil on their desk before they get to school.
Another little thing you can do is write a birthday message on the board before school starts, so it is the first thing the student sees when they walk into the classroom. In my wife’s class, she makes it the morning message for the day and allows other students to write a note on the board to the student to read during morning meeting.
4. Compliments
Have you ever not felt good after a sincere compliment? Every time I receive a sincere compliment I always feel good. I think our students are the same way. The key is that when we compliment our students, the compliment must be completely sincere. There cannot be any sarcasm or insincerity because your students will pick up on this easily and it will damage relationships. Compliments can definitely be utilized to build and support relationships.
Tip 1: Compliment Tracker
I have found that I seem to forget and favor students when it comes to compliments. I always want to be fair in my classroom and before I had a compliment tracker, I felt like I wasn’t always equally distributing compliments. Some of the students that never get compliments can be completely turned around just by one compliment. I also thought some well deserving students were missing out on compliments because they were so well behaved that I would forget to acknowledge their behavior. So, I thought I needed to keep better track of which students I complimented and how often. All I did was have all my students names and when I complimented them, I tried to record it. This let me see who had and had not received compliments. You can check out my compliment tracker on our TPT store here!
Tip 2: Notes Section and 2 Times
Also, on the compliment tracker I added the notes section and added a 2 times rule. The notes section I used for recording good things that students would do. After a few days, I would compliment the student on the behavior or event I recorded. Whenever I complimented a student, I tried to be very specific.
I also introduced a 2 times rule on the compliment tracker. This rule meant I would try to find at least two sincere compliments about each student by the end of the nine weeks. This was a challenge I set up for myself in relation to growing relationships in my classroom. Sometimes the compliments were academic related and other times behavior related. Extracurricular activities are also an area where you can find compliments about your students.
Tip 3: Take opportunities
Sometimes people will say they don’t have enough time to compliment their students. I think what we have to consider is that we have to take every opportunity available to us. Compliment a student when they are walking into class the next day. Compliment during instruction.
Compliment at a sporting event or after the event. Compliment after school or before school starts. Start seeking opportunities to compliment your students and I think you’ll find that you will have plenty of opportunities.
Compliments are a great tool to build and maintain relationships. If you set up a structure to remember to compliment it can be very helpful. More sincere compliments will happen which will build stronger and more meaningful relationships in your classroom.
5. Morning meeting and closing circle
My wife nurtures and fosters relationships in her classroom by utilizing morning meeting and closing circle. Morning meeting and closing circle are times where ideas and feelings can be shared, expressed, and discussed in a safe way. The strategies create a great sense of community and a team atmosphere.
I really like the concepts and the ideas around morning meeting and closing circle. I think it emphasizes the idea that if you don’t prioritize relationships and structured time for it, it really won’t happen. There are a lot more aspects to morning meeting and closing circle, if you would like to read a more in-depth article please click here.
I remembered one of my doctors growing up would have conversations with us and would take notes and slide it into our personal file. The next time we came to see him he would quickly scan his notes and start up the conversation like we had never left. Morning Meeting and Closing Circle let us gather information on our students that we can use at another time. We are not talking about deep dark secrets. Just the students’ likes, dislikes, and interests, which we can use to develop the relationship and the information can also be utilized in the student’s education.
6. Set Students up for success
Students love to feel successful. If you embarrass a student or make them look foolish in front of their peers, you might have damaged that relationship. You always want your students to respect you, but it also goes a long way if your students like you as well.
The best way to not deal with repairing relationships is by setting up your students for success. Your students will be more confident and know that you are a consistent figure in their life that wants them to succeed. Give them opportunities to shine and make them look good in front of their peers and you are well on your way to building meaningful and lasting relationships with your students.
Tip 1: Set up Questions
The first strategy that you can utilize in relation to setting up students for success is the “set up question.” How do you do set up question? First, ask a question to the class that you normally would. Secondly, give your students think time to consider the question you just asked. Thirdly, you should ask the students to pair up or to get into groups to discuss their answers. Then walk around and monitor discussions around the room and select a student for the set up question. Talk to the student you have selected while the other students are talking and make sure they have the correct answer in relation to the first question you are going to ask the class after the discussion time. Once you have finished, walk to the front of the room and get the attention of the class. You should call on the student you have verified the correct answer with.
This is a great strategy to use to help build confidence with weaker students. The student will love that you have not randomly called on them and that you have made them look good in front of their peers. Many times the class will not even realize that it was a set up and it will look like you randomly called on the student. This is not the only method to do set up questions, but you can see how this strategy can help build and maintain relationships because you are setting students up for success.
Tip 2: Look for Talents
All students have some sort of talent or experience in some area. Try to learn throughout the year your students’ interests, talents, and experiences. Once you have acquired this background knowledge on your students use it to build student confidence. When you are reading a story about something you know a particular student has experience with, call on them and see how they glow as they inform the class on a certain subject. Students don’t typically like to be left out and not engaged, so find your students’ talent to engage them to build a positive classroom atmosphere. Students that feel comfortable and confident in your class will typically be better behaved.
“No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship.”
– James Comer
Relationships are so important in the field of education. Without relationships the educational process is burdened, slowed, and even sometimes derailed. If we don’t invest time and effort in developing relationships, it won’t happen.
Building, maintaining, and fostering relationships can be extremely beneficial to the educational process. Better relationships can mean better attitudes, better classrooms, and better academic performance.
For more classroom management tips check out our other articles:
Classroom Rules and Consequences
16 of the Best Classroom Procedures
Thank you for Continually Learning with us!
Kyle and Sarah
*We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
